


Just a Little Unstable

by jasperthefriendlyghost



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, Carnivalstuck, Eridan's starting to lose it, Fluff, M/M, POV Eridan Ampora, Sad, circusstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 21:05:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3461996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasperthefriendlyghost/pseuds/jasperthefriendlyghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter how far you've fallen. No matter how deep it's burrowed in your mind, he's always there to remind you. You're not crazy... You're just a little unstable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just a Little Unstable

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little idea that popped into my head while looking at the Circusstuck/Carnivalstuck fanart! Apologies for any OOCness (there's plenty), this is my first attempt of actually publishing something in the Homestuck fandom.

It’s the third time in a row that the act has gone wrong.

The third time in a row that those awful, mocking words ring out, burrow deep into your mind.

The third time in a row you’re reminded of how much of a failure you are.

The third time in a row you storm from the ring, a refusal to let them see the violet tears gleaming in your eyes.

This act had been ruined with an incident that could be pulled straight from the cartoons: Nepeta’s lion had slipped free of its improperly locked cage, and pounced within an instant. Your magic act had been interrupted, and you’d been chased around the ring a few times, screaming obscenities and pleas for help until it was decided that you’d ran enough laps, the laughter painfully obvious as Nepeta led away the massive animal, your cape left in tatters and your confidence shattered upon the filthy floor.

You’d thought maybe this one would go better.

But you realized how wrong you were when you stalked past them all, the audience’s laughter and your fellow performer’s words sending the shards deeper into your blood pusher, your ear fins drooping in attempts to block out those disgusting calls.

_Delusional._

_Oversensitive._

_Fool._

_Freak._

_Absolutely ridiculous._

_Magic isn’t real._

_Why are you even a part of this show?_

_They don’t even cheer during your act!_

_Insane._

Your wand falls with a clatter upon your unsteady desk when you finally reach your tent, and you stoop to rummage through your trunk, shimmering violet silk drawn into shaking hands and sweeping over your shoulders, replacing the one that had fallen who-knows-where upon the grounds. It doesn’t do much, but it makes you feel just a tiny bit better. You force a smile as you gaze into your dirt smudged mirror, riddled with cracks that distort your features.

But the tears remain; twisted with a few bits missing, but still there… And in that moment you realize that there’s one thing in this world you can compare yourself to.

Not a famous magician. No. Not even close.

A broken mirror more like it; cracked with plenty of pieces missing. And just like the shattered glass, you still show others exactly what they want to see; the pain upon your features when they speak with their harsh words.

You don’t know how long you’ve stood there, longer than 5 minutes but less than an hour… You force your gaze to clock upon your shabby bedside table, and realized you’ve missed the final bow.

You don’t care. After a disastrous act like that it’s a wonder if you try again tomorrow.

The underside of your desk brings comfort as you slide underneath it, your top hat and horns bumping against the surface before you duck into your cape, the violet fabric providing a curtain around you, a temporary shield from any pain that attempts to gnaw at you.

~x~

You’re awoken by the hiss of a curtain, and you jerk awake, violet eyes widening as you peek from your cape and spot the entrance of your tent yanking open. Your blood pusher hammers, before you recognize the figure, who steps quietly in from the darkness, enveloped by the gentle glow of your lantern.

You relax, and simply wait for the ring master to notice you huddled beneath your safe spot. The place he always found you after a bad day, or an act gone wrong.

“Get out from under the table, you fucking baby,” The words seem harsh, but his tone is soft, dark grey irises flashing with an expression of affection. And slowly, as ordered, you pull your lanky frame from beneath your desk, shakily bringing yourself to your full height and glancing down to the troll who stands a few inches shorter.

“It’s a desk,” Is your simple response, and he rolls his eyes with a shake of his head.

You flinch when Karkat’s hand rises, even though you know he would never harm you, before you lean into the gentle touch upon your cheek, his thumb wiping gently at the violet dampness upon your features.

“Bad show, huh?”

“WWhat do you think?” Comes your shaky reply, your stammer worsening in your emotional state. Your breath hitches, and you feel that acidic bile creeping up your protein chute, forcing you to choke upon your own breath, those pathetic tears threatening to start again. “I’m tryin’… So hard…”

You’re suddenly breathless, and you feel as though you’re suffocating on the oxygen that you so desperately need, gills and fins flaring, violet eyes wide.

“I’m fuckin’ tryin’ and evvery time I’m _torn dowwn_. And they havve to _constantly_ remind me, of howw much of a fuckin’ _FAILURE I AM-_ ”

“Shoosh... Eridan, you’re not a failure, don’t ever fucking say that.” Your rising tone is cut off with those words, and Karkat’s tone is so ridiculously gentle that you choke, the dam crumbling and your violet tears spilling down narrow features once more.

“I…”

“Shoosh.” Karkat shushes you once more, and this time he reaches out, pulling you close against his smaller frame, the steady frame that you cling to as though it’s the last thing left in a flood. The ring master gently presses upon the back of your head with one hand, guiding you to nuzzle into the crook of his neck, crying softly.

“I’m not crazy…” You whisper hoarsely through your tears, though it’s more to yourself than Karkat.

The smaller troll cranes his neck, lips pressing to your temple, cheek, and jaw, a silent promise that things are going to be okay. That one of these days, you two will get out of here and you two will finally live a normal life.

A normal life away from anything and everything that caused you both so much pain.

“I’m not crazy…” You whisper once more, an attempt to remind yourself of the words that were already slipping from your unsteady mind.

“I know.” Comes his simple whisper in return, and you feel his fingers skitter up your back, your cape falling from your shoulders before he reaches the brim of your top hat. The hat joins the nest of violet upon the floor, but you’re quickly distracted by the fingers in your hair, stroking along your jagged horns, soft purrs soon sounding instead of those sickening sobs.

“I lovve you, Kar…” You slowly lifted your head from his shoulder, amethyst meeting onyx as your gazes lock.

“I know.” He repeats, and your lips lock in a kiss that makes you feel like you’re about to pass out. “I love you too, Eridan…” 

He whispers those wonderful words as you both part, your breathing is finally steady...

And as you curl up against one another upon that scratchy, straw filled mattress you come to the same realization you do every night that he’s there:

You’re not crazy… You’re just a little unstable.


End file.
